you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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