Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
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The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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