Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
