Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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