I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
