If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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