i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
