just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
