he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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