Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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