Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
