Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
