beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
