my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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