Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
