I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
