speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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