I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize