Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize