In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It was confusing and full of hummus
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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