I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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