There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I love having hate sex.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
