I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
