I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I stole a fireplace last night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
