sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
