did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my mouth tastes like poor choices
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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