Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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I have peed in a lot of sinks
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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