East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
