The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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