hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
