No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
