we're chasing vodka with high fives
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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