Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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