There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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