Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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