so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
