I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
