Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
