my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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