we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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