I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
