dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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