dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
