..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
