Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
