Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize