I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
