When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
only you would photoshop your dick
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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