; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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