The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
