ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Actions speak louder than pants.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
