Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
