Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
