so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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