I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Be still, my beating vagina.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
