seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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