I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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