Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
