help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
