i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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