He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
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There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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