dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
