Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
