I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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