so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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