Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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